Chapter 7

DIFFICULTIES CONCERNING THE WILL

When the child of God has, by the way of entire abandonment and absolute trust,stepped out of himself into Christ, and has begun to know something of theblessedness of the life hid with Christ in God, there is one form of difficultywhich is very likely to start up in his path. After the first emotions of peaceand rest have somewhat subsided, or if, as is sometimes the case, they havenever seemed to come at all, he begins to feel such an utter unreality in thethings he has been passing through, that he seems to himself like a hypocrite,when he says or even thinks they are real. It seems to him that his belief doesnot go below the surface, that it is a mere lip-belief, and therefore of noaccount, and that his surrender is not a surrender of the heart, and thereforecannot be acceptable to God. He is afraid to say he is altogether the Lord's,for fear he will be telling an untruth, and yet he cannot bring himself to sayhe is not, because he longs for it so intensely. The difficulty is real andvery disheartening.

     But there is nothing here which will not bevery easily overcome, when the Christian once thoroughly understands theprinciples of the new life, and has learned how to live in it. The commonthought is, that this life hid with Christ in God is to be lived in theemotions, and consequently all the attention of the soul is directed towardsthem, and as they are satisfactory or otherwise, the soul rests or is troubled.Now the truth is that this life is not to be lived in the emotions at all, butin the will, and therefore the varying states of emotion do not in the leastdisturb or affect the reality of the life, if only the will is kept steadfastlyabiding in its centre, God's will.

     To make this plain, I must enlarge a little.Fenelon says somewhere, that "pure religion resides in the will alone." By thishe means that as the will is the governing power in the man's nature, if thewill is set straight, all the rest of the nature must come into harmony. By thewill I do not mean the wish of the man, nor even his purpose, but the choice,the deciding power, the king, to which all that is in the man must yieldobedience. It is the man, in short, the "Ego," that which we feel to beourselves.

     It is sometimes thought that the emotions are thegoverning power in our nature. But, as a matter of practical experience, Ithink we all of us know that there is something within us, behind our emotions,and behind our wishes, -- an independent self, -- that after all decideseverything and controls everything. Our emotions belong to us, and are sufferedand enjoyed by us, but they are not ourselves; and if God is to take possessionof us, it must be into this central will or personality that He shall enter.If, then, He is reigning there by the power of His Spirit, all the rest of ournature must come under His sway; and as the will is, so is the man.

     The practical bearing of this truth upon thedifficulty I am considering is very great. For the decisions of our will areoften so directly opposed to the decisions of our emotions, that, if we are inthe habit of considering our emotions as the test, we shall be very apt to feellike hypocrites in declaring those things to be real which our will alone hasdecided. But the moment we see that the will is king, we shall utterlydisregard anything that clamors against it, and shall claim as real itsdecisions, let the emotions rebel as they may.

     I am aware that this is a difficult subject todeal with, but it is so exceedingly practical in its bearing upon the life offaith, that I beg of you, dear reader, not to turn from it until you havemastered it.

     Perhaps an illustration will help you. A youngman of great intelligence, seeking to enter into this new life, was utterlydiscouraged at finding himself the slave to an inveterate habit of doubting. Tohis emotions nothing seemed true, nothing seemed real; and the more hestruggled the more unreal did it all become. He was told this secret concerningthe will, that if he would only put his will over on to the believing side; ifhe would choose to believe; if, in short, he would, in the Ego of his nature,say, "I will believe! I do believe!" he need not trouble about his emotions,for they would find themselves compelled, sooner or later, to come intoharmony. "What!" he said," do you mean to tell me that I can choose to believein that way, when nothing seems true to me; and will that kind of believing bereal?" "Yes," was the answer, "your part is only this, -- to put your will overon God's side in this matter of believing; and when you do this, Godimmediately takes possession of it, and works in you to will of His goodpleasure, and you will soon find that He has brought all the rest of yournature into subjection to Himself." "Well," was the answer, "I can do this. Icannot control my emotions, but I can control my will, and the new life beginsto look possible to me, if it is only my will that needs to be set straight inthe matter. I can give my will to God, and I do!"

     From that moment, disregarding all the pitifulclamoring of his emotions, which continually accused him of being a wretchedhypocrite, this young man held on steadily to the decision of his will,answering every accusation with the continued assertion that he chose tobelieve, he meant to believe, he did believe; until at the end of a few days hefound himself triumphant, with every emotion and every thought brought intocaptivity to the mighty power of the blessed Spirit of God, who had takenpossession of the will thus put into His hands. He had held fast the professionof his faith without wavering, although it had seemed to him that, as to realfaith itself, he had none to hold fast. At times it had drained all the willpower he possessed to his lips, to say that he believed, so contrary was it toall the evidence of his senses or of his emotions. But he had caught the ideathat his will was, after all, himself, and that if he kept that on God's side,he was doing all he could do, and that God alone could change his emotions orcontrol his being. The result has been one of the grandest Christian lives Iknow of, in its marvellous simplicity, directness, and power over sin.

     The secret lies just here. That our will, whichis the spring of all our actions, is in our natural state under the control ofself, and self has been working it in us to our utter ruin and misery. Now Godsays, "Yield yourselves up unto Me, as those that are alive from the dead, andI will work in you to will and to do of my good pleasure." And the moment weyield ourselves, He of course takes possession of us, and does work in us "thatwhich is well pleasing in His sight through Jesus Christ," giving us the mindthat was in Christ, and transforming us into His image. (See Rom. 12:1, 2.)

     Let us take another illustration. A lady, who hadentered into this life hid with Christ, was confronted by a great prospectivetrial. Every emotion she had within her rose up in rebellion against it, andhad she considered her emotions to be her king, she would have been in utterdespair. But she had learned this secret of the will, and knowing that, at thebottom, she herself did really choose the will of God for her portion, she didnot pay the slightest attention to her emotions, but persisted in meeting everythought concerning the trial, with the words, repeated over and over, "Thy willbe done! Thy will be done!" asserting in the face of all her rebellingfeelings, that she did submit her will to God's, that she chose to submit, andthat His will should be and was her delight! The result was, that in anincredibly short space of time every thought was brought into captivity; andshe began to find even her very emotions rejoicing in the will of God.

     Again, there was a lady who had a besetting sin,which in her emotions she dearly loved, but which in her will she hated. Havingbelieved herself to be necessarily under the control of her emotions, she hadtherefore thought she was unable to conquer it, unless her emotions shouldfirst be changed. But she learned this secret concerning the will, and going toher knees she said, "Lord, Thou seest that with one part of my nature I lovethis sin, but in my real central self I hate it. And now I put my will over onthy side in the matter. I will not do it any more. Do thou deliver me."Immediately God took possession of the will thus surrendered to Himself, andbegan to work in her, so that His will in the matter gained the mastery overher emotions, and she found herself delivered, not by the power of an outwardcommandment, but by the inward power of the Spirit of God working in her thatwhich was well pleasing in His sight.

     And now, dear Christian, let me show you how toapply this principle to your difficulties. Cease to consider your emotions, forthey are only the servants; and regard simply your will, which is the real kingin your being. Is that given up to God? Is that put into His hands? Does yourwill decide to believe? Does your will choose to obey? If this is the case,then you are in the Lord's hands, and you decide to believe, and you choose toobey; for your will is yourself. And the thing is done. The transaction withGod is as real, where only your will acts, as when every emotion coincides. Itdoes not seem as real to you; but in God's sight it is as real. And when youhave got hold of this secret, and have discovered that you need not attend toyour emotions, but simply to the state of your will, all the Scripturecommands, to yield yourself to God, to present yourself a living sacrifice toHim, to abide in Christ, to walk in the light, to die to self, become possibleto you; for you are conscious that, in all these, your will can act, and cantake God's side: whereas, if it had been your emotions that must do it, youwould sink down in despair, knowing them to be utterly uncontrollable.

     When, then, this feeling of unreality orhypocrisy comes, do not be troubled by it. It is only in your emotions, and isnot worth a moment's thought. Only see to it that your will is in God's hands;that your inward self is abandoned to His working; that your choice, yourdecision, is on His side; and there leave it. Your surging emotions, like atossing vessel, which, by degrees, yields to the steady pull of the cable,finding themselves attached to the mighty power of God by the choice of yourwill, must inevitably come into captivity, and give in their allegiance to Him;and you will verify the truth of the saying that, "If any man will do His will,he shall know of the doctrine."

     The will is like a wise mother in a nursery; thefeelings are like a set of clamoring, crying children. The mother decides upona certain course of action, which she believes to be right and best. Thechildren clamor against it, and declare it shall not be. But the mother,knowing that she is mistress and not they, pursues her course calmly, unmovedby their clamors, and takes no notice of them except in trying to soothe andquiet them. The result is that the children are sooner or later compelled toyield, and fall in with the decision of the mother. Thus order and harmony arepreserved. But if that mother should for a moment let in the thought that thechildren were the mistresses instead of herself, confusion would reignunchecked. Such instances have been known in family life! And in how many soulsat this very moment is there nothing but confusion, simply because the feelingsare allowed to govern, instead of the will!

     Remember, then, that the real thing in yourexperience is what your will decides, and not the verdict of your emotions; andthat you are far more in danger of hypocrisy and untruth in yielding to theassertions of your feelings, than in holding fast to the decision of your will.So that, if your will is on God's side, you are no hypocrite at this moment inclaiming as your own the blessed reality of belonging altogether to Him, eventhough your emotions may all declare the contrary.

     I am convinced that, throughout the Bible, theexpressions concerning the "heart" do not mean the emotions, that which we nowunderstand by the word "heart"; but they mean the will, the personality of theman, the man's own central self; and that the object of God's dealings with manis, that this "I" may be yielded up to Him, and this central life abandoned toHis entire control. It is not the feelings of the man God wants, but the manhimself.

     Have you given Him yourself, dear reader? Haveyou abandoned your will to His working? Do you consent to surrender the verycentre of your being into His hands? Then, let the outposts of your natureclamor as they may, it is your right to say, even now, with the apostle, "I amcrucified with Christ; nevertheless, I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth inme: and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Sonof God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me."

     After this chapter had been enclosed to theprinter, the following remarkable practical illustration of its teaching waspresented by Pasteur T. Monod, of Paris. It is the experience of a Presbyterianminister, which this pasteur had carefully kept for many years.

NEWBURGH, Sept. 26, 1842.

     Dear Brother, -- I take a few moments of thattime which I have devoted to the Lord, in writing a short epistle to you, Hisservant. It is sweet to feel we are wholly the Lord's, that He has received usand called us His. This is religion, -- a relinquishment of the principle ofself-ownership, and the adoption in full of the abiding sentiment, "I am not myown, I am bought with a price." Since I last saw you, I have been pressingforward, and yet there has been nothing remarkable in my experience of which Ican speak; indeed I do not know that it is best to look for remarkable things;but strive to be holy, as God is holy, pressing right on toward the mark of theprize.

     I do not feel myself qualified to instruct you; Ican only tell you the way in which I was led. The Lord deals differently withdifferent souls, and we ought not to attempt to copy the experience of others,yet there are certain things which must be attended to by every one who isseeking after a clean heart.

     There must be a personal consecration of all toGod, a covenant made with God, that we will be wholly and forever His. This Imade intellectually without any change in my feeling, with a heart full ofhardness and darkness, unbelief and sin and insensibility.

     I covenanted to be the Lord's, and laid all uponthe altar, a living sacrifice, to the best of my ability. And after I rose frommy knees, I was conscious of no change in my feeling. I was painfully consciousthat there was no change. But yet I was sure that I did, with all the sincerityand honesty of purpose of which I was capable, make an entire and eternalconsecration of myself to God. I did not then consider the work done by anymeans, but I engaged to abide in a state of entire devotion to God, a livingperpetual sacrifice. And now came the effort to do this.

     I knew that I must believe that God did acceptme, and had come in to dwell in my heart. I was conscious I did not believethis, and yet I desired to do so. I read with much prayer John's First Epistle,and endeavored to assure my heart of God's love to me as an individual. I wassensible that my heart was full of evil. I seemed to have no power to overcomepride, or to repel evil thoughts, which I abhorred. But Christ was manifestedto destroy the works of the devil, and it was clear that the sin in my heartwas the work of the devil. I was enabled, therefore, to believe that God wasworking in me, to will and to do, while I was working out my own salvation withfear and trembling.

     I was convinced of unbelief, that it wasvoluntary and criminal. I clearly saw that unbelief was an awful sin, it madethe faithful God a liar. The Lord brought before me my besetting sins which haddominion over me, especially preaching myself instead of Christ, and indulgingself-complacent thoughts after preaching. I was enabled to make myself of noreputation, and to seek the honor which cometh from God only. Satan struggledhard to beat me back from the Rock of Ages but thanks to God I finally hit uponthe method of living by the moment, and then I found rest.

     I trusted in the blood of Jesus already shed, asa sufficient atonement for all my past sins, and the future I committed whollyto the Lord, agreeing to do His will under all circumstances as He should makeit known, and I saw that all I had to do was to look to Jesus for a presentsupply of grace, and to trust Him to cleanse my heart and keep me from sin atthe present moment.

     I felt shut up to a momentary dependence upon thegrace of Christ. I would not permit the adversary to trouble me about the pastor future, for I each moment looked for the supply for that moment. I agreedthat I would be a child of Abraham, and walk by naked faith in the Word of God,and not by inward feelings and emotions: I would seek to be a Bible Christian.Since that time the Lord has given me a steady victory over sins which beforeenslaved me. I delight in the Lord, and in His Word. I delight in my work as aminister: my fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. I ama babe in Christ; I know my progress has been small compared with that made bymany. My feelings vary, but when I have feelings, I praise God, and I trust inHis word; and when I am empty and my feelings are gone, I do the same. I havecovenanted to walk by faith and not by feelings.

     The Lord, I think, is beginning to revive Hiswork among my people. "Praise the Lord." May the Lord fill you with all Hisfulness and give you all the mind of Christ. Oh, be faithful! Walk before Godand be perfect. Preach the Word. Be instant in season and out of season. TheLord loves you. He works with you. Rest your soul fully upon that promise, "Lo,I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world."

Your fellow soldier,

WILLIAM HILL

     There may be some who will object to thisteaching, that it ignores the work of the blessed Holy Spirit. But I must refersuch to the introductory chapter of this book, in which I have fully explainedmyself. I am not writing upon that side of the subject; I am considering man'spart in the matter, and not the part of the Spirit. I realize intensely thatall a man can do or try to do would be utterly useless, if the Holy Spirit didnot work in that man continually. And it is only because I believe in theSpirit as a mighty power, ever present and always ready to do his work, that Ican write as I do. But, like the wind that bloweth where it listeth, and thouhearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither itgoeth, the operations of the Spirit are beyond our control, and also beyond ourcomprehension.

     The results we know, and the steps on our partwhich lead to those results, but we know nothing more. And yet, like a workmanin a great manufactory, who does not question the commands of his employer, andis not afraid to undertake apparent impossibilities, because he knows there isa mighty unseen power, called steam, behind his machinery, which can accomplishit all, so we dare to urge upon men that they shall simply and courageously setthemselves to do that which they are commanded to do, because we know that themighty Spirit will never fail to supply at each moment the necessary power forthat moment's act. And we boldly claim that we who thus write can say from ourvery hearts, as earnestly and as solemnly as any other Christians, We believein the Holy Ghost.

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